There's this standard. This nice wall, politely decorated, a wall, a rule that says
we don't talk about things that are hard, things that hurt. It's uncomfortable,
and quite frankly not polite dinner talk. We leave people alone in their pain, so
we aren't confronted with it. But it also secludes us in our pain, because we don't
want to be that one that says the uncomfortable thing. I think God has called me to
talk about these hard things. Not liberal, get in your face, and shove what I think
down your throat kind of things. But those hurts we ignore, those sadnesses that
we can't seem to put into words. There's a healing in talking about it, in crying
over it, in mourning losses, and in screaming in pain and anger. We shouldn't be
a people who isolate ourselves or others in pain. We should be those who listen,
and cry with them, who are just as angry at injustice. Let us be a people who let
others heal. God is helping me, to not push others away in my pain, and to welcome
The pain that they are experiencing now is the most, real and painful thing they
feel right now.
Being a friend when someone is hurting is so important, but it can also be scary,
what do you say? What do you do? When listening about another's hurts, don't discredit
their pain. Is it the worst they've ever been through? Maybe not. Will there be
worse pain in the future? Probably so. But do you remember the headache of yesterday,
when you stub your toe today? No. The pain that they are experiencing now is the
most, real and painful thing they feel right now. So as a friend don't say "at least..."
Or "it could be worse" or "others are going through much worse." Validate their
pain as real and just that, painful. Allow them to mourn, allow them to cry, allow
them to be angry, allow them to heal. And most of all allow them time.
New life comes
Sometimes pain and hurt is from loss. Loss is permanent. Other things or people
cannot replace who you have lost. If you have a friend who has experienced loss,
don't say "at least you still have..." Or "at least you had them this long" or "at
least you can get pregnant". These are not kind responses and they don't allow the
person to mourn the loss they have experienced. Validate the pain as very real.
The loss as real, no matter how long ago they experienced loss. Loss is loss and
it is permanent. New life comes, but loss doesn't go away. They can heal if they
are allowed to mourn.
Something really important is that you may not understand another's pain. You may
be able to sympathize or even empathize, but not necessarily understand because
they are different. They process different, their journey is different and how they
go through hurt and healing will look different. And that is ok!
Time is very crucial for the healing process
Time doesn't heal all wounds. God does! But time is very crucial for the healing
process. God is a patient Father who does not become impatient or frustrated when
we take time to heal. Even the body takes time to heal. You must not rush healing,
if you want complete and total restoration. Be patient.
Don't forget people in their loss
Don't forget people in their loss. You know the saying "out of sight, out of mind",
well too many times that is how we treat people who have experienced loss. We surround
them with love and support in the moments immediately following their loss, but
as time goes so does our lives. Just because sadness no longer overwhelms
us doesn't mean that they still don't struggle to catch their breath from the pain
of loss. It doesn't mean that they still don't wake up and wonder how the world
can keep spinning and life go on without their loved one. Don't forget them. Check
on them. Reach out to them. Love them in their pain and their ongoing loss. It washes
over them afresh everyday. Renewed with every faint reminder of their loved one.
Time will help, but don't leave them lonely in that time. We are called to pray,
encourage and restore! Let's listen to others and love them well through their pain!